In 2002, after I illustrated "Batman 5.0" for
Bizarro World (which didn't come out until 2005), DC editor Joey Cavalieri suggested I submit a pitch to revamp The Inferior Five, a spoof comic book series from the 1960s. I went out and located the back issues, read them, and came up with a piece of art and a 3-page conceptual outline, which I reproduce below. The pitch obviously went nowhere, and like several other pitches I've posted on this blog, the experience soured me on trying to obtain work from the big comic book publishers. Now, looking back, it's probably just as well that DC didn't waste the paper publishing my take on the
Inferior Five! Enjoy.
Hey Joey C.,
Your comments on the phone last night are all well taken. I agree that character-based humor is preferable to self-conscious "we're in a comic book" humor. I'll try to upgrade such instances as the project evolves (almost always better ideas occur to me once I'm 'on the ground' and actually producing art pages). Forgive the few instances herein where imagination fails and I feel I need to keep the plot moving! I'm always open to suggestions for improvement.
White Feather's proposed gayness is humourous only in the sense that he thinks the revelation is going to be shocking to his teammates, when in fact it's anything but. In fact, my point would be that coming out is currently so hip that it's verging on being overused. As for how I would treat it down the road, I would point to Doonesbury's Mark, in other words, matter of factly, not something to be a source of guffaws. It's also the best plausible explanation I can think of for his absurd (and not very funny) behavior in the past.
I also realize that parodying/pastiching DC characters will be more hassle-free than trying to get them to officially guest star, for narrative as well as editorial reasons. Heck, that's been my stock in trade. I've enjoyed enormous creative freedom by this parodic sleight of hand, but at the same time it's made me a sissy when it comes to editorial elbowing and political machinations. Maybe if we get this thing off the ground, DC will learn to trust me enough to have some of the funnier characters (i.e. Plastic Man and Ambush Bug) drop in on the IF.
Rather than try to project the story arc for the first six issues, I've decided to concentrate on the 'pilot episode' (in reality probably the first two issues), which reintroduces the stars and sets up the basic premise for an ongoing series. Since so much of my stuff is character-driven, as you point out, I really need to work with the characters before subsequent events will begin to suggest themselves. In particular, with new characters such as the Superior Seven, I will need to decide on who or what I intend to parody, and get my pencil involved (in other words, draw them), before I'll know where things will go. (So much of my humor depends on names and visuals, and I can site numerous instances in Megaton Man where minor characters surprisingly grew to become major players with involved sub-plots.)
As for creative duties, as you know I'm capable of penciling, inking, writing, coloring and lettering (hand or digital) and can even design the logo. However, I'm more than open to collaboration for the sake of frequency. For my part, I think a monthly 20 pages of art and script is readily doable. I'd be happy to work with DC's stable of digital talent for coloring and lettering, or I could work with one or more assistants locally, and provide you with one stop shopping.
That said, here's the new hopefully slightly improved pitch for the first couple of issues of the Inferior Five.
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| The piece of art I created for the Inferior Five pitch. |
The Inferior Five: "Secretive Origins and the Coming of the Superior Seven"
We begin with a brief "Wonderfella" set piece (Wonderfella is the superhero comic strip that cartoonist Myron Victor, aka Merryman, draws). Just as all looks hopeless for Wonderfella, we're yanked into reality, where Victor is being let go by the All Purpose Funny Book Company, in favor of trendier artists and edgier storylines. As Victor is booted from the premises, he sees the Inferior Five signal beaming brightly in the sky above Megalopolis.
Elsewhere, Athena Tremor, aka Dumb Bunny, who is not so much dumb as religiously devoted to the superficial, has become the head of Dumb Bunny Omnimedia, an empire consisting of fitness tapes and fashion magazines, all revolving around Athena's charismatic, if shallow, personality. However, news breaks that Athena had insider information when she sold her shares of I'm-a-clone Inc. when her friend, the owner, told her human cloning was impractical -- having babies is just as fast. Dumb Bunny Omnimedia comes crumbling down, and Athena is reduced to being an artist's model again, until she sees the IF signal in the sky...
Across town, William King, aka White Feather, continues his career as a famous fashion photographer, shooting the loveliest women on earth, all of whom insist on coming on to him. Naturally, he spurns their advances, and after work, when a manly bunch of fashion photographers invite him to a weekend of shooting grizzlies, climbing sheer cliffs, and white water rafting, he declines, fearing injury to his good looks. Later, in a bar over a beer with a male friend, he declares he just can't get into the rugged, macho fashion photog lifestyle his career seems to demand. The friend is sympathetic. William is suddenly struck by a thought -- "You don't suppose I'm gay, do you?" The friend assures him of course not, while we pull back to see that everyone in the bar is male. Just then, the IF signal is televised on the bar TV...
Meanwhile, Herman Cramer, aka the Blimp, has a wildly successful deli and catering biz, but has become obsessed with losing weight, so much so that he's developed a diet line of deli foods. These foods actually make people lose weight as they're eating them, but Herman himself still, frustratingly, maintains his large size, and yet is parodoxically lighter than air. A national food distributor is about to take on Herman's line, but at the last minute declines, because of the appearance of the line's creator. "But can't you see? I look big, but I'm still lighter than air!" It doesn't matter, since the public won't buy diet food from a fat guy. Luckily, Herman spots the IF signal above Megalopolis...
And finally, Leander Brent, aka Awkwardman, fulfills his duties on the beach as a lifeguard, reading an old Dick Briefer Frankenstein comic (or maybe a Wonderfella issue), until he hears the call for help from some little boy who's drowning. Doing a huge belly flop, Leander inundates everyone else in the water as well as on the crowded beach, but manages to rescue the sputtering boy. Striding ashore, a Baywatch-type babe, who would be his boss, fires him on the spot -- Leander's too clumsy and stupid to be a lifeguard. Pondering what else he can do with not skills and a desire to lounge on the beach all day, he spies the IF signal...
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| The original pencil logo I created, translated later into Adobe Illustrator. |
Assembling at the IF's rundown inner-city HQ, the five, in costume, ponder who might have set off the IF signal. Apparently it's been quite a long time since the group has been together or seen one another. Just then the phone rings, and it's Merryman's mom, Lady Liberty, who wants to know when the IF is going to visit their parents, the Freedom Brigade (basically the JSA), at the old heroes retirement home. Merryman scolds his mom that this isn't an appropriate use of the IF signal, but the IF decides it's a good idea to pay the old folks a visit anyway.
Downstairs, the IF finds the jalopy called the Gold Bug and it's driver, Plato, waiting for them. Expecting to find a bunch of doddering old coots in wheel chairs at the home, the IF is surprised to find the Freedom Brigade as a bunch of robust teenagers, frolicking in the pool and tennis courts, having so much youthful fun it's practically an orgy. The IF asks them how this is possible. Princess Powerful says they've been revamped, and holds up a perscription drug bottle marked "Revamp", a wonder drug that has Viagra beat hands down. But if they never retired, why did they force their kids -- the IF -- to go into the family business of superheroics, which they were so inept at? Princess Powerful responds that it was the Sixties, with drugs, riots and Viet Nam -- they wanted to keep their kids out of danger, and fighting crime, even ineptly, seemed like a safe haven.
Anyway, the Freedom Brigade is very proud of the fact they look so good, being grandparents and all. Grandparents??? That's right, Merryman suddenly remembers. "We have teenage kids! We should probably pay them a visit too, in their high-tech hangout across town." And in short order, we are introduced to The Superior Seven. (Numerous other revelations occur in the scene between IF and FB, including various philandering parents and how the Blimp's costume actually works, but I'll save that for later drafts).
The IF is awed by the high-tech 'danger room' like technology of the Superior Seven's hangout. Before they even meet the Seven, the IF runs a gauntlet of robots, lasers and other automated defense devices that have detected their intrusion. Finally, after the parodic pyrotechnics, the IF comes face to face with the Superior Seven, seven surly types taken from today's hot comics. (Note: I'll name names if I get the gig, but suffice it to say for now that I'll try to step on toes evenly throughout the industry. The SS will consist of Post-mutant, post-image grim and gritty angst-ridden teens who needless to say will contrast immediately with their parents, the Inferior Five). The kids are none too thrilled that their embarassing parents have dropped by, and it's a real effort for them just to be civil to them. What other superhero team has such uncool parents?
Meanwhile, the Inferior Five's various old adversaries (I'll try to include as many from the original series as possible) gather in a secret place elsewhere in Megalopolis, and plot the downfall of the IF. They too are ageless, and have a new generation of offspring (parodying Manga, Vertigo, Extreme/Ultimate/Marvel Knights and whatever else we can dream up).
(That's what I have so far, Joey C. I know it kind of trails off, but hopefully it's sufficient in this state to ellicit an affirmative response from the Powers That Be. I think I've addressed your major concerns and at the same time opened up the premise to a lot of possibilities down the road. As a veteran of a few series, I can say that the trick will be finding the right pace, and this pitch as it stands already shows a good deal more forethought than some of the seat-of-the-pants projects I've initiated in the past! The older and more 'seasoned' a pro I become, I tend to be a much more careful planner in the plot (and even full script) stage than I was as a young buck. I look forward to developing The Inferior Five further with you. Let me know whatcha think!)
Well, that was it!
I remember that this pitch, such as it was, was both further than I had gone in thinking through any big-company pitch, and also, still pretty threadbare. What made composing this pitch difficult was an almost complete lack of enthusiasm for the original series, which I recalled from my childhood with some fondness, but reread for the occasion, and found pretty uneven and mostly dreadful.
I will say that revisiting the extant
Inferior Five corpus through this ordeal made me appreciate the brilliance of such humorous masterpieces as Marie Severin's
Not Brand Echh, which seemed almost on the level with Harvey Kurtzman's
Mad by comparison.
IF was weak tea indeed, with very little reason to exist except to provide the lamest kind of "ha-ha" jokes, which has never been my forte. Whether I would have been able to turn it into something worthwhile as a series we will never know!
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Keep those submissions coming! Failed Pitch
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